How to Find the Right Doula for You: What’s Important and Questions to Ask

So, you’re pregnant (Congratulations!) and decided you might want a doula. Now what? Do you just use your sister or cousins doula? Let’s chat.

You start by Googling “birth doula near me” and suddenly you have 1,000 tabs open, 20 Instagram accounts bookmarked, and no idea how you’re supposed to choose one person from all of these wonderful humans.

I get it.

There are certifications and trainings to look at, experience to compare, reviews to read, prices to consider, and then there’s the slightly bigger question…How do I know who I actually want in my birth space?

That last one might be the most important question of all.

Your doula is a very personal choice

A doula isn't just someone you hire because they know more about birth than you do. Your doula will be sitting beside you when you're exhausted, emotional, uncomfortable, scared, excited, naked, laughing hysterically, crying, second guessing yourself, quite possibly doing all of those things within the same five minutes. They may be in your home. They may be in your hospital room. They may see you at your absolute most vulnerable.

So yes, experience matters. Training matters. Knowledge matters.

But connection matters, too.

You want someone who knows what they're doing AND someone you feel comfortable having in your most sacred space.

There isn't one perfect doula for everyone. A doula who is amazing for your best friend might not be the right person for you, and that's okay!!

Finding the right doula is a little bit about checking the boxes and a lot about figuring out who makes you feel safe, heard, respected, and supported.

What should you look for in a doula?

There are a few practical things you'll want to consider when choosing a doula. Let’s break it down.

Experience and training

How long they've been a doula, approximately how many births they've attended, and what training or certifications have they completed all of those things are an important piece. Maybe they have experience in something specific that may be particularly relevant to you.

Are you planning a VBAC? Ask about VBAC experience.

Considering an epidural? Ask how they support families who choose an epidural.

Planning on having an induction? Ask about their experience with inductions.

Have a scheduled cesarean? Ask whether they support planned cesareans.

There is no requirement that your doula has to have experience in every possible birth scenario, but you should feel confident that they have the knowledge and resources to support you through all of the possibilities.

Their approach to birth

In my opinion, this one is really important.

Ask a doula how they view birth and how they support clients whose births don't go according to plan. You don't necessarily need a doula who has the exact same birth preferences you do. In fact, I'd argue that you want someone who can support you without making your birth about their own preferences.

A good doula should be able to support you whether you have an unmedicated birth, an epidural, an induction, a cesarean, a VBAC, or something completely different from what you originally imagined.

Your doula's job isn't to get you the birth they think you should have.

Their job is to support you in having an informed, empowered experience that is right for YOU. Full stop.

Personality and connection

And then there's the part that can't really be put on a resume. Do you like them? Seriously. If someone is annoying, I am definitely not going to feel comfortable being naked in front of them. Then possibly be with them for multiple days?
After talking with them, ask yourself:

Did you feel comfortable talking to them?

Did you feel like they're listening to you?

Could you ask them any question without feeling silly?

Did you feel respected if you didn’t share the same opinion?

Can you picture this person sitting next to you at 3 a.m. when you're in labor?

Could you see yourself saying, “I need you right now”?

This one may sound silly, but could you actually poop in front of them? I mean…poop happens.

Pay attention to how you feel during the conversation. Sometimes your gut tells you something your checklist doesn't.

Where do you find a doula?

There are a lot of ways to find a doula, and I recommend using more than one.

Google

Start with a simple search like “birth doula near me” or “birth doula in Denver.” If you're in the Denver Metro or Boulder area, you can also search by your specific city.

Take a look at their websites, reviews, social media accounts, and how the doulas describe their services they offer and philosophy/style.

Ask your friends

If you know someone who recently had a baby, ask about their doula.

But don't just ask, “Did you like your doula?”

Ask them why they liked them. What did they love about the support? What made them feel comfortable? Was there anything they wish had been different? That information can be helpful in determining if they feel like a good fit for you.

Ask your provider or other birth professionals

Your OB, midwife, childbirth educator, chiropractor, pelvic floor therapist, or other perinatal professional may have doulas they regularly refer to.

Local parenting and mom groups

Local Facebook groups and parenting communities can be great places to ask for recommendations. People often enjoy sharing about their experiences with their doula.

Doula directories

Online directories can help you find doulas in your area specifically.
DONA International and DoulaMatch are two places you can start looking.

Instagram and social media

Social media accounts can give you a feel for a doula's personality, communication style, philosophy, and the kinds of information they share.

But don't let Instagram be your deciding factor. Someone can have beautiful photos and a beautifully created feed and still not be the right fit for you. And someone else might have the most basic Instagram account you've ever seen and be an incredible doula. The consultation is where you really get to know more about them.

Questions to ask when interviewing a doula

Ok, you've found a few doulas you're interested in! Yay! Now it’s time to schedule consultations with them. Most doulas offer some sort of initial consultation so you can get to know each other and decide whether you're a good fit. You don't need to ask every single question below. Pick the ones that matter most to you and let the conversation happen naturally.

Experience & training

* How long have you been a doula?

* Approximately how many births have you attended?

* What trainings and/or certifications have you completed?

* Do you have experience with VBACs, inductions, epidural births, home births, twins, cesareans, or other things that may be important to me?

Your approach

* How would you describe your approach to birth?

* How do you support clients when their birth doesn't go according to plan?

* What does your role look like for clients who choose an epidural?

* How do you involve partners in the birthing process?

* How do you work with my provider or staff?

What support looks like

* What all is included in your doula support?

* When do you join me in labor?

* What postpartum support do you provide?

* Can I text/call you if I have questions?

* Do you offer any additional support if I need it?

The logistics

* What is your fee?

* How does payment work?

* What happens if you're not available when I go into labor?

* Who is your backup?

* Will I have an opportunity to meet your backup?

* How many clients do you take on per month?

Don't forget the questions that aren't on the checklist

Some of my favorite questions are the ones that tell you a little more about who the person actually is.

Ask them:

What do you love most about being a doula?

What led you to birth work?

How do you handle it when a client makes a choice that you wouldn't personally make?

You can learn a lot from these three answers. Don't just listen to what they say. Notice how you feel while they're saying it.

Trust yourself

After you've asked the questions, compared the logistics, and talked to a few doulas, take a minute to think about how you actually felt. Because at the end of the day, your doula isn't there to make decisions for you or to create the birth experience they think you should have. They're there to support YOU. There is not one perfect doula. There is the doula who is the right fit for you. And that my friend, is worth taking the time to find.